I don't know if it's anxiousness or a lack of patience but for as much progress I may be making, I can't help but get frustrated with myself from time to time. It may have little to do with the success/failures I have on the mat but just feeling the growing pains of learning. While at work I can't help but fixate on how to keep the guard or think what I did wrong that caused me to lose that armbar. At times I fear that I'm losing perspective on what my responsibilities are and that BJJ is taking over my life. Perhaps if you asked those who knew me, they may agree but only in jest. So then I begin to wonder if I'm getting a little burnt out or do I need to look at things with a fresh perspective and take a bit of the edge off of myself.
I used to swim competitively for over 10 years up through college. By my Freshman year I quit to focus on my studies (and party). By then, I had already burnt out on swimming but not cause college swimming was any harder than what I was used it. I just lost interest and wanted to put my energy towards other things that presented a new challenge. I had no interest in becoming an Olympic swimmer or spend a third of my college years in the pool. Now in BJJ-terms, perhaps 10+ years of swimming amounts to a black-belt besides finishing my high school career with State titles and championships under my belt. To say the least, I am proud of my accomplishments in swimming and appreciate what it gave me as far as discipline and to value hard work. Now this would have been a great time to start BJJ but that wouldn't come for another 7 years. I say it would have been a great time cause it probably would have saved me from a lot of vices.
Anyways, my point being is to recognize what you want from all of this. For some it might be to get the black-belt, for others it's about a journey and for some it's just a place to socialize and get fit. Outside of wanting to maliciously hurt people with BJJ, I don't see anything wrong with the reasons that bring you to the mat. I do think that if you can keep in perspective what you want and what your goals are, it shouldn't feel as though it's getting the better of you. I will admit I can get a little carried away and perhaps this blog is an extension of that but I'm an all-or-nothing kind of guy. BJJ doesn't pay my bills and it won't feed my family, that's not my career path. What it does is make me happy. I do these things cause it makes me happy and I want it to continue to do so. For as much effort I put into improving my jiu-jitsu, I should equally focus on nurturing the aspects of my life that will allow me to enjoy it. Family first, work second and the rest is just icing on the cake. I keep reminding myself of this when I get a little carried away and it helps.
Thanks for listening.